


If You Really Want To

by GarnetSeren



Series: Music Inspired Oneshots [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Best Friends, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 00:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarnetSeren/pseuds/GarnetSeren
Summary: Shepard's reunion with Kaidan wasn't exactly a success, and Garrus is there to pickup the pieces; because that's what best friends do... but are his feelings purely platonic?





	If You Really Want To

Garrus paced outside Shepard's quarters. He knew Horizon had been hard on her, spirits... it had been hard on all the team, with the collectors abducting half the colony. But he had a feeling that the commander's reunion with a certain Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, had been one of the hardest moments during the entire mission for her.

Though there was no solid evidence, Garrus had some inkling that Shepard and Alenko had been close aboard the SR1. Scuttlebutt had it that they'd been _intimately_ close before Shepard's… disappearance.

But those two years, the two years that she'd been gone, were hard on _all_ the old crew. Tali and Liara had been inconsolable, Joker had been eaten up with guilt, and Garrus himself had completely gone off the rails... as humans liked to say. 

However, the elation of seeing Shepard alive, and mostly herself, had outweighed any of the misgivings he had about Cerberus. They'd given him his best friend back; so Garrus could overlook their anti-alien agenda, if it meant working alongside Shepard again.

Though it seemed Kaidan wasn't that happy to see her... at all.

An angry growl threatened to escape him, as he remembered standing by Shepard's side, through all of Alenko's accusations. He'd even tried to defend her, when the marine's hurtful words had become an all out verbal assault.

Garrus had seen the almost imperceivable signs on the commander's normally impassive face; the creased brow and trembling lip. He'd noticed the slight hitch of her breath, and the small waver in her voice as she'd said goodbye to their former team mate. Her former lover...

"Garrus, stop hovering outside my cabin and get your bony butt inside!" Shepard suddenly called, through the metal door.

Her voice startled him, and he was glad she couldn't hear the surprise in his subharmonics. But after a moment's hesitation, Garrus entered her cabin.

His keen eyesight immediately fell to the smashed holoframe that lay on the floor; a cracked image of Kaidan flickered at him. He was sorely tempted to kick it, just for spite, but he doubted Shepard would appreciate the gesture.

Instead Garrus shook his head, before lifting his gaze to his commander and best friend.

Shepard sat propped up against the headboard of her bed, her knees tucked up to her chin, and head buried in her hands. His sensitive nose picked up the faint smell of salt, as his aural canals caught the faint tremor of her breath; and all at once Garrus realised she'd been crying.

Without thinking, he approached the bed and sat down beside her, and without warning, Shepard almost threw herself at him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she lay her forehead against the rim of his cowl.

For a moment, Garrus was at a loss... too stunned to move. Sure, ever since he'd joined her original crew, the two of them had been close. But they were never the touchy-feely type of friends, not like she was with Tali or Liara.

He wracked his brain, but to no avail. His extensive training had never covered: How to comfort your extremely emotional, usually completely composed, _human_ commanding officer.

Garrus felt completely out of his depth, but he figured that perhaps tactics he'd used to comfort Solana when they were children might help. So cautiously, Garrus wrapped his arms around Shepard's waist, nearly baulking when he realised how slender it was.

"I'm sorry Garrus, I just… feel so alone," she stuttered, between sobs.

Garrus nodded in understanding. "After all the changes you've been through today, it's understandable. You could just use a little tenderness right now."

Gently, he rubbed her back in a way he hoped she found comforting. However, Shepard pulled back from their embrace slightly; her green eyes were tear-filled, as she looked up at him through her lashes.

Unable to help himself, Garrus ran a taloned hand gently through her short red… fringe? Hair? He couldn't quite remember, but he hoped it wasn't considered rude in human culture. It was a sign of intimacy and trust in turian society... but he couldn't for the life of him remember if it was significant to Shepard's.

Carefully, Garrus stroked her damp cheek with the back of his other hand, a single talon caressing her cool skin, and wiping her tears away. Despite her obvious grief, Shepard was still stunning.

Garrus swallowed, hoping it wasn't as audible to her as it was to him... _When had he become attracted to his best friend?_

"You know, he sent me a stupid email," she told him.

Garrus tilted his head, wanting her to continue.

"Apparently apologising for the way he reacted on Horizon," Shepard explained. "He told me he'd moved on since I… _disappeared_. Still, it just felt like more accusations. At the end of it, he even put: When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know.”

She huffed out a sigh. “Seriously what the hell is that supposed to mean? 'Sorry I don't trust you or want you right now, but I'm not going to really set you free, just in case I change my mind'... Stupid ass!"

Garrus flared his mandibles in a slight grin. "You know, Shepard, it's up to you how long you let his memory stay. Do you really want to carry on this way?"

Tenderly, his talon wiped away another errant tear that escaped, and rolled down her pale cheek. Shepard shook her head, before burying her face back into his chest. Garrus tightened his hold on the commander, pulling her closer to him.

His newly realised feelings were making the situation more difficult than it needed to be, and it was hard to be objective. In truth, Garrus wanted to growl in frustration, and in anger. Especially as her slender shoulders began to shudder with the effort of repressed sobs.

Kaidan wasn't worth her tears, she deserved so much more.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Garrus," Shepard murmured. "I'm so glad you're here, I couldn't do any of this without you."

He looked down at the woman in his arms, and before his rational mind got the better of him, Garrus pulled Shepard fully into his lap. As difficult as it was with his bulky armour, their bodies still pressed close together.

"Sure you could, just not as stylishly," he told her.

That earned him a laugh, which was so good to hear. He liked her laugh. Though unfortunately, Shepard must have been uncomfortable with how they were sitting, for she was soon shifting her weight.

However, it wasn't until she had finished moving, that Garrus realised Shepard was now sat straddled across his thighs. Once again, he found it difficult to swallow past the lump forming in his throat.

She looked up at him then, through her lashes, as her fingers gently ran along his scared mandible. He felt the urge to turn away from Shepard's gaze, from her touch.

Despite his jokes about some women finding scars attractive, Garrus knew his face was a mangled mess... completely beyond any reasonable aesthetic repair, thanks to the Blue Suns and their spirits-damned rocket.

He was embarrassed by the level of attention she was paying to his injury, though he still wished he could feel her gentle touch. A wish that the nerve-damaged plates and skin would not comply with.

"I thought I'd lost you," Shepard whispered.

Her gaze was following the path her fingers took, and her eyes were filling with new tears. Ones that Garrus quickly realised were for him; for his near death experience, and he barely resisted the protective growl that threatened to rumble in his throat.

He hadn't even known she'd been that worried about him. It was a revelation that left him feeling a little reckless and daring.

"Shepard, there's um… spirits," he began. "So many things you need to know, so many left to say…" He swallowed audibly. "I don't have a human fetish, but this isn't about that, it's about us."

He noticed Shepard raise an eyebrow at him. It was a human quirk of hers, that Garrus had long found adorable, but he still hadn't a clue what it meant.

"I can help you chase the pain away," he mumbled.

He shut his eyes, unable to look at her, waiting for the inevitable laughter. However, Shepard's small hand started to stroke his unscarred mandible. The touch was tender... loving even. It set his heart racing.

"Garrus?" she questioned, softly.

He turned his head slightly, nuzzling into her palm. "You know, if you really want to."

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note:  
> The inspiration song is If You Really Want To by Meatloaf, and the reference of the smashed picture is actually from the music video for the song.


End file.
